I often speak about how joy and sadness coexist in my life as it relates to my grief journey. It is a part of the vow I made shortly after Daniel's death to not allow my joy, my peace, nor my mind to be taken from me.
During the past three and a half years since his death there has been a few challenges and threats to my being able to stay true to my vow. Recently, I lived it in real time up close and personal!
My grief journey began on Sunday night, August 4, 2019 when I was told my son had been found dead. It was that night I made the aforementioned vow. Seven months later I affirmed it by owning that I would not be consumed by my grief.
So where's the joy in it? A few weeks ago I launched my grief coaching services website. It was a huge accomplishment! It was the same week my first co-authored anthology pre-order phase was launched. Those two things brought me enormous joy!
Why was the sadness? The death occurred over three years ago.
I experienced profound sadness because Daniel was not here to celebrate those milestones with me. I did not have the privilege of his accolades, his hugs, and his smile while he was telling me how proud he was of me.
In order to tell the story I choose to tell for the anthology, I had to revisit some of the most painful places about Daniel's death. It was like reopening a wound that was well along in its healing process. It hurt!
It wasn't easy to allow joy and sadness to coexist, but I gave them both space to do so. My lesson learned is that life's lived experiences give life to words. I've challenged myself to acknowledge it, accept it for what it is, and keep moving forward.
What about you? Have you experienced and sadness simultaneously?